The basis of a healthy, harmonious and fulfilled life is the trust of each one of us in ourselves. If we have this confidence, self-esteem can arise: the doors are open to us, to shape our lives freely according to our own wishes and goals!
As simple as it sounds in theory, unfortunately, it is usually not the case in practice – after all, who can claim to be 100% “at peace” with themselves, anywhere and at any time?
Although perfect, everlasting satisfaction is an illusion, weight training can help us become more confident and happy. The path to more self-confidence can therefore also be made via iron.
We will now take a closer look at strength training and personality development with the goal of developing more self-confidence and self-esteem.
Why quick fixes do not work
Those who seek advice from Google for more self-confidence are nearly beaten to death by “practical tips” and “exercises that can be implemented immediately”. True to the credo main thing Zack Zack! the interested reader is recommended quick fix solutions, for example read as follows:
Affirmations, such as “Tell yourself how great you are”
External feedback, such as “Let others motivate you”
Sudden behavioral changes, such as “Kick on”
The crux of the matter: none of these methods tackles the problem at the root:
Anyone who stands in front of the mirror in the morning and tells them what an organized person he is while standing knee-deep in dirty laundry mountains will not be able to believe himself, no matter how flowery it is.
Whoever makes his self-image dependent on others, will start to quarrel at the moment when he is alone.
Anyone who looks at any techniques without reflection will not only feel insecure, but will also be less authentic and will not achieve the desired result in the long term.
But what are the principles behind solid self-confidence and, above all, what the hell does that have to do with weight training?
Mindfulness: the first pillar of self-esteem
The basic idea behind the following remarks comes from the masterpiece “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem”, in German “The Six Pillars of Self-esteem:
Successful and Satisfied by a Strong Self”, by the American psychologist Nathaniel Branden, who pioneered this Area of psychology applies.
The first step on the way to more self-confidence is on the one hand quite trivial, but on the other hand absolutely essential to be able to change yourself: First of all, we have to realize whether or that we have a problem at all!
Branden formulates this thesis as “the practice of living consciously” or “consciously living” – this is about mindfulness and honest dealing with oneself, that is, the clarification of the question: “Where do I actually stand in life?”
Already here the topic strength, fitness & vitality can appear on the plan:
“Am I actually aware of the capabilities and limitations of my own body?”
“Am I physically fit for my daily challenges?”
“Do I really like what I see in the mirror every morning?”
When we honestly deal with ourselves and the things that surround us, rather than silently ignoring, blinding, or displacing them, we allow ourselves the opportunity to grow.
To do: Do you realize where you stand: Are you satisfied with my performance and your form, do you feel comfortable in your skin?
Self-acceptance: the second pillar of self-esteem
So when we begin to look at our lives and ourselves with our eyes open, we find ourselves at the following fork:
“I am satisfied with myself and feel well in my skin”
“I’m dissatisfied with myself and feel too fat / thin / weak …”
That’s it, there are not more options. At this point, unless we are 100% at peace with ourselves, we now have the choice: we can accept and accept this intimate insight about ourselves – or ignore it. What has the respective step for consequences?
According to Branden, self-acceptance is the prerequisite for change and growth: if we do not accept that we are currently eating unhealthily, how should we ever eat healthy? If we do not accept that we end up training whenever it starts to be exhausting, how can we ever really improve our performance? If we do not accept that we are dissatisfied with our sight in the mirror, how should we ever get up to seriously planning and implementing a diet until we are satisfied?
Self-acceptance, then, always has something to do with the admission of our current behavior, and “accepting” does not necessarily mean “like”: perhaps we feel uncomfortable confessing that we secretly drive in the chips in the evening, while on the Working with tupperware and precooked food will make you shine, but then we should still accept this behavior as our actual state – only that means respect for reality.
If, on the other hand, we choose the path of denial, negation and suppression, we will have no opportunity to change. But how can we ever gain confidence in ourselves and gain respect for ourselves if we deny ourselves?
Maybe you feel bad because you can not resist sweets right now. Maybe you feel like a failure because you’ve just been lying on the sofa again, even though today would have been Leg Day. Or maybe you doubt yourself too, because yesterday evening you once again hopelessly gave the edge, even though you really wanted to take that with sports and nutrition more seriously.
If all those bitter little pinpricks you feel at these moments do not repeat over and over again for weeks, months, even years, then only one thing helps: accept that it is so right now!
If you know where you stand – sober and unadorned – then you have a firm starting point from which to begin your journey. And with the recognition and acceptance of your present situation, you have already taken two important steps out of the hamster wheel by running so happy and despairing that we never arrive at a state of contentment.
To do: Learn to accept your present situation and stand by it, instead of hiding from the truth – that is the only way to make change possible!
Personal Responsibility: The third pillar of self-esteem
After dropping our pants in front of us and acknowledging where we regularly fail because of fear, unconsciousness, or a thousand other reasons, we have to face a hard but necessary truth that, according to Branden, is for us and for all of us Life is:
“Nobody will come.”
No one will come to save us, to design our lives according to our wishes, to solve our problems for us – we are solely responsible for them. What does that mean for sports?
If we wait for the motivation to fall from the sky, we will never move. If we hope that we will eventually have the leisure to go to training regularly, nothing will happen. If we constantly postpone everything to tomorrow, nothing will happen today.
If we realize our problems, accept our current status and then do not take the first step towards change on our own responsibility, our life will not change at all!
From now on, it means: take ownership – for our training, our diet, our success. And if some of it does not work out, neither our training partner nor the food industry, the weather or anything else is to blame, just ourselves!
The whole thing is oppressive? Do not worry, there is help for that:
You are a beginner and have no idea how to train? Here is an entry-level plan
You would rather go for a split instead of a basic plan? Try this 2-split or 3-split
You want to build muscle mass? Here you will find everything about mass phase
You want to lose weight with the help of sports and diet? With our definition phase article, you’ll learn how to do it
The info you have now, but the implementation remains your beer. And that would be us at pillar 4.
To do: Make it clear that only YOU are responsible for your training and diet!
Self-assertion: the fourth pillar of self-esteem
Let’s face it: the whole thing is damn hard! How hard it is, we can see on our own that we are not surrounded by perfectly nourished Adonis blends, but a frightening large part of the population suffers much more from obesity, diet-related illness or depression.
But: how do we escape this fate?
The magic word is self-assertion. Regardless of which stones our life rolls in our way every day, we have to muster the strength to get them out of the way – on their own, because we remember: nobody will come and do it for us!
The alternative, however, is damned simple and is self-abandonment [3]. Maybe you know some of the following thoughts in this context:
“I wanted to practice today, but my training partner has no time …”
“I did not really want to buy the chocolate, but it was on offer …”
“I wanted to create a nutrition plan for myself, but I would have to learn a lot of new things …”
What do all these thoughts have in common?
A personal decision we made ourselves (“I wanted to …”) was torpedoed by internal or external circumstances and we did not manage to defend ourselves – that is self-abandonment.
If instead we honor our desires, needs and goals and express them against internal and external circumstances, that is self-assertion.
If we do not want our lives to consist of a large pile of cursed standards and beliefs, as well as silent surrenders to ourselves, we must learn to assert ourselves – only in this way can self-esteem arise:
If we want to exercise and our gym buddy has no time, so what: Then we go alone – is not that there are no other people who could sneer at times. If we have decided to give up chocolate to a large extent, then we will not buy it either – unless we reward ourselves for something we have achieved through our commitment (and not lower the self-imposed standard for it in an inflationary way). If we want to learn something about nutrition and we are really interested in the subject, then we just sit on the seat and read a book or a blog article – even in good weather with the help of park benches, EBook readers or tablet / smartphone.
But self-assertion is not that easy: life is more of an obstacle course than a slide, and those who can not (or will not) jump anymore are left behind – simple as that. Maybe not complete thanks to our welfare state, but at least in achieving personal goals. But what do we do if we do not know exactly what we really want? Let’s welcome Pillar 5!
To do: Respect your own beliefs and decisions. Actively engage in the fulfillment of your ideas, goals and dreams, even in bad times!
Self-discovery: the fifth pillar of self-esteem
Brief recapitulation: We have become aware of our present situation, accepting it honestly and without compromise as our starting point, recognizing our ownership of our further journey, and making clear that we must push our internal and external hurdles to make a change to reach.
Ideally, we are highly motivated at the starting line to our future lives – but what do we do if we do not know where we want to go?
The only person who can tell us what we really want is ourselves. And how damn important it is that we make this clear to ourselves, shows the following quote from Branden:
“Living without a purpose means being dependent on the pity of chance”
So, if we do not want to be in the wind, we should think about what we really want – not our parents, not our friends, not our coaches – we, that is. This goal is sometimes not so easy, because we not only have to listen deeply into ourselves, what we actually want and why we want it, but we also need meaningful standards, with which we can measure our success! More about this topic can be found here.
If we have defined a strong, personal goal for us, it means: being proactive, doing – “Hoffen” is reserved for children [6]. Now, it’s about creating a workable plan that brings us to our big goal with the help of many small steps. In order for us to stay on course, it is crucial to regularly check ourselves and to check whether we actually get the results we envisage – and that requires, especially in the long run, one thing in particular: self-discipline.
Whether we want to lose weight, build muscle or define our body, if we are honest with ourselves and realize why we want THAT exactly, we have a strong motivator that carries us through difficult times.
To do: Define a goal that is personally important to you, think about appropriate steps on the way there and control yourself!
Integrity: the sixth pillar of self-esteem
In American there is the beautiful saying “walk your talk”. Freely translated, this phrase means “to act on words.” This short guiding principle embodies an important element of our sixth pillar:
“If our behavior matches our values and ideas, we have integrity”
Our words must therefore be followed by deeds that we ourselves have chosen according to our own standards. Instead, acting differently from our own determination and judgment, we lose sight of ourselves. An example of this has already been seen in Item 4, self-assertion:
If we have decided for ourselves not to sink on the couch today but to go to the sport, and then end up with a bag of chips in front of the TV, our self-respect suffers.
Integrity is not just about ourselves: it is the promises that we give and then keep to ourselves – and, for example, our training partner, whom we promise to be on time for training tomorrow. If we want to convince a friend or a friend to do something for themselves and to document that it is a good choice, we must ideally be able to demonstrate the added value ourselves. Branden summarizes this idea as follows:
“Beliefs that remain without action are worthless”
To do: Be yourself the embodiment of your own ideas and values!
Your tool: strength training
Hand on heart: Very few people end up in a gym, because they are 100% satisfied with themselves, and that is also not a broken leg.
So that you not only physically strengthened in the form of muscle building but also mentally strengthened in the form of more confidence from the studio, you can use the life work of Nathaniel Brandens’ for your purposes and combine strength training with personality development! How to do that you will find here again soon.
It should be noted that this is not a classic step by step guide, but individual points can and should run side by side and should:
Mindfulness:
Make yourself clear for yourself, what bothers you about you and your behavior and why:
Only if you know your own problem – be it training laziness, inconsistent eating habits, whatever – you have the opportunity to work on it
Self-acceptance:
Face your current reality – and accept it. Your situation may not be great and great at the moment – but it’s the way it is. Take it as your starting point, naked, unadorned – this is the only way to change
Individual responsibility:
Accept that you are responsible for your decisions, put on this shoe: you are as responsible for the chocolate bar in your fridge as you are for your 3-week break from training – forgetless blaming.
If something is wrong with your behavior or circumstances, change it and do not wait for someone else to do it for you – because that’s not going to happen normally
Self-assertion:
Use the strong will that is born of your own responsibility to skip internal and external hurdles. Overcome the inner bastard and lie down on the couch instead of before training. Have the size and tell your training partner the opinion or look for another when it comes late for the umpteenth time – who puts the gun on your chest and forces you to go to sports with just that person?
Self-discovery:
Think carefully about where your journey should lead you and define measurable goals based on meaningful standards of success (see RTGA2)!
Integrity:
If you have decided on one, your way, do not let yourself be distracted and embody it in front of others, but more importantly, in front of yourself.
Mindfulness creates awareness, self-acceptance creates a foundation, self-responsibility creates a drive, self-assertion creates assertiveness, self-discovery creates a goal and integrity creates trust:
As we follow this pattern, we not only learn to trust our own judgment and ourselves, we also learn to respect and respect ourselves.
In this sense: You have it in hand – make something of it!
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